Boundaries for Healers (and Sensitive Souls)

As a healer and a sensitive soul, boundary setting has been a life long learning edge.

Every single day tests me to uphold boundaries for myself, my work and my sacred space. Recently there has been an even greater call for my heart to step up and assert energy around what I can and cannot give.

In my experience, people who become healers tend to:

*Be the nurturer in their family system.
*Have been conditioned to make others more important than themselves.
*Buy into the notion that healers must give selflessly and not be compensated appropriately.
*People please and have a hard time saying no.
*Take on energy that is not theirs to hold.
*Have the tendency to help without being asked.

All of this leads to poor boundaries, burnout and a lack of reciprocity for our medicine gifts.

As a healer, people will ask for your energy, medicine, advice and anything else that they feel they need from you. All of the time. This used to happen to me and still does on occasion.

After moments of feeling resentful and angry, one day, I finally realized that it was up to me to set boundaries around what I can and cannot do.

Signs that a boundary needs to be set:
*Complaining about an interaction with someone.
*Feeling drained, exhausted or overwhelmed.
*Feeling taken advantage of.
*Familiar body sensations when a line is being crossed.

Boundaries protect you and your relationships. Avoiding conflict or taking care of everyone else’s feelings first, is unhealthy.

Boundaries are a form of medicine. For both parties.

It is ultimately our responsibility to set the boundaries we need. As boundary master and therapist Terri Cole says: “Being sensitive is a superpower when you have rock solid boundaries.”

Here are my Top 5 Boundary Medicine Tips

1. Ask for what you need.

Giving is so natural for healers. It can be hard to ask for what we need when someone steps over the line. You are worthy of speaking up. When you are clear about what you need from an interaction or relationship, you can ask for it easily. You matter too.

2. Take a moment to tune in to the sensations of your body.

Our bodies are always speaking to us and will share effortlessly when a boundary is violated.  Over the next while, take a moment to notice what happens when someone crosses a boundary. Tight chest? Pain in your tummy? Shoulder heaviness? Hard time swallowing? Each of us reacts differently. Once we are conscious of our response, we can then take appropriate action towards healing.

3. Expectations can lead to resentment.

As humans, we tend to have expectations of people and how they will behave in certain situations. When people don’t act the way we think they should, we are disappointed.   Be vocal about your needs and desires in relationships, whether it’s business or personal.  Make space for the other person to share theirs as well.  Clear and open communication is key.

4. Be clear on the exchange for your time and medicine.

The worst thing is to ask someone for help and have them come back with no clear price or way to exchange with them. This feels sticky and can end up ruining the whole interaction. It can even take away from the healing you just received. Policies, contracts and formal ways that people can pay you for your time are essential. Clarity is kind. Clarity is rooted. Clarity is needed in our business and helps people to feel safe.

5. Your sacred NO is powerful.

As people-pleasers, we can find ourselves doing things and sacrificing ourselves at the expense of our well-being. When we do things we don’t want to do, we lower our frequency. Practice listening to your heart and spirit when someone asks something of you.  Breathe.  Take some time before answering. Listen to your body cues. Practice saying no to what is not resonant so you can open yourself up to things that are.

Drawing boundaries is neither selfish nor disloyal. It truly is one of the best things you can do for yourself and for those relationships that you care deeply about.

And you, my dear, as a sensitive soul or a healer, are most worthy.

A. xo

p.s. I offer mentorship for healers, lightworkers, visionaries and creatives in my medicine circle, Sacred.  Doors open again soon!  To get on the waitlist, click here:  www.sacredmembership.com