A cycle is complete!

Today is the day when the final copy of my book goes to printing.   Someone generously shared with me that it is important to celebrate each phase of your book journey, as they will move so quickly and then it will be out in the world.  So in my celebratory reflection, I wanted to share some of the biggest lessons that came forward for me during this time.  It has been a beautiful journey and I sit here in gratitude.

1. Writing a book during a pandemic lacks romance.

I’m a lover of shows or moves where the author goes to a charming coffee shop/rustic cottage/ocean to write their memoir or bestseller. It all seems so romantic and divine. My book writing process was a whole lot of lockdown chaos. My minis were running around throwing Lego, slime and blueberries and I was trying to breathe through it all. I have to believe that somehow their spirited energy added some extra medicine in my words, yet there were definitely moments that I dreamed of that coffee shop.

Takeaway: Your sacred space will never be a perfect set-up – just start writing!

Takeaway: There is no special place of healing to “get to”. Each level of understanding is integral to our wholeness.

2. What if people misunderstand?

A fear that rose during writing this book is being misunderstood. My words, my intention, my purpose twisted up in projections, expectations and responsibility. It’s been years of untangling from this and it’s work that will continue. Some will simply look at the title and judge, some will see a shared post on social media and form an opinion.

I have to come back to the call of my Ancestors. My dreams and visions, my inner knowing and guidance. Nobody is going to pat me on the head to tell me that I have figured it out in a perfect way. Even though I have wished for this many times.  I love the affirmation that Xavier Dagba shares: “It’s safe for me to let others have an erroneous perception of me if it means preserving my sanity and my energy.”  Yup. Self-acceptance is always the key to my peace.

Takeaway: I look up to the Stars to my Ancestors for approval and trust it in my heart.

3. Am I entitled to that?

I get curious and sink into a little bit of awe when I see others able to take up space in a room or boldly ask for what they need. Healthy entitlement is something I’ve been working on as an Indigenous person. Stepping into this world of asking and desiring and platform reach has pushed me to step up. When it came time for endorsements, my heart fluttered with anxiety. Do I deserve these? Will people say yes? It was straight out terrifying to ask for folks to help amplify my medicine. A journey that will continue through my launch.

I see others ask with ease. This has not ever been easy for me. And at the end of this journey, I will be forever grateful for all of the gracious and generous hearts that said yes and wrote words for me. All of the nods to my ask healed me and the generations of oppression I hold in my bones.

Takeaway: People want to uplift you. Build your capacity to receive.

4. Your trauma will rise.

When I started this book, I didn’t realize that writing was deep healing medicine for me. I know that might sound weird, I mean – I wrote a book. But I didn’t realize that the healing I needed, would pour out of my fingers onto the page. Tears were shed. Over and over again. All of the things I thought I had worked through with years of therapy and self-development work, were still there, little ends to be tied up through my words. Healing through layers is a beautiful spiral and I’m grateful to have the space to share the integration.

Takeaway: There is no special place of healing to “get to”. Each level of understanding is integral to our wholeness.

5.  The cycle of the void is always there.
After running a business for the last two decades I have learned to be good friends with deadlines. However, I have never experienced the feeling of the void and emptiness that happens after you pour out 80,000 words. I signed on for another project (an Oracle Deck), which needed to begin immediately after most of my book was done. And I was out of words. Out of inspiration. Something I had never felt before. I was even worried about my brain health. What was happening?

The teachings of our Medicine Wheel cycles came forward. I was in the void, the nothingness. And it was okay. I needed to process what I had been through to move to the next creation. Being out of words meant that I had given it my all. Now, I just needed a little quiet to allow for the inspiration to drop.

Takeaway: Remember the Medicine Wheel through your creative process. Each season is of equal importance.

6. Who does she think she is?

Years ago, I was wearing my favourite beaded earrings and I heard someone whisper these words. It had taken years for me to feel safe enough to wear beads and when I heard this my heart sank and I felt myself shrink. Those words became a trigger for me until very recently when I had to face them again.

I’ve heard people say that I’m here because of luck, and my ego wants to say: “Do you not know how hard I’ve worked to get here?” There’s a part of me that wants to justify my deserving of this book deal. And I realize that this is tangled up in colonialism. And I realize that those voices are too. There is no end to opinions, projections and judgements. When I hear the voices ask this question: “Who does she think she is”, I can finally answer: “I don’t think. I know who I am.”

Takeaway: We are worthy simply because we are. We don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

7. Candles.

This book is powered by candles. Since the beginning of my proposal in 2019, I probably lit more than 50 candles. They became my Kin, each flame dancing differently than the next. There were moments where I would just stare at the light for inspiration. Lighting a candle before I opened my laptop became ceremonial as I would light a piece of sage and smudge my computer and then the words would flow. The vibration was tangible and I learned that each candle holds a Spirit. And this light was infused into my words.

Takeaway: Find something that initiates your writing space and opens your channel. High vibe ceremonial candles are rare and treasured.  

This morning I lit a smudge, praying that the words of my book will touch the hearts of those that need it.  It was written for my children and the children that were recently “discovered”.  For they will always hold the dreaming, the vision and the light of our people.  I will always remember how they showed up in the sky on National Truth and Reconciliation Day.  I pray that my words will ripple for generations to come.  A. xo

p.s. you can pre-order my book here (pub date is March 2022) – pre-orders mean everything to Authors!

p.p.s. I just launched a beautiful ceremonial product with my dear sister Lodge Soy Candles – if you want to add more intentional light into your life, you can check them out here