Surviving Criticism 101

5 Ways to move through with Grace.

Someone recently asked me if it was worth it to have my vulnerable and honest blog go viral.  At the time, I paused.  I really had to think about it.  At the time I was still in the vulnerability hangover stage.  Feeling raw, exposed and a bit sad about how unkind people can be.

Yes, in my head I know that people read things through their own lens and that their opinions of you don’t matter.  But some comments and private messages (and there were hundreds) still hurt my heart.  So what does one do, as a sensitive soul who might feel things a bit more deeply? 

Here are 5 things that I have learned in my process of sharing my deepest truth.

1. You are stronger than you think.

The biggest fear I hear from folks in my community is that someone might criticize their creation or judge them.  My response?  Yes, this will happen.  It’s happened before and it will happen again.  And guess what?  Last time you didn’t die!  You lived, you moved through it and you became more resilient as a result.   You have all the resources you need to move through anything that is thrown your way.  Always.

2. Take a moment to reflect on where the criticism is coming from.

Years ago, I had some criticism thrown my way and my teacher asked me to look at the source. Was the person who criticized me putting their medicine creations out into the world? Were they taking brave steps forward?  Did they inspire me?  Nope.  Could I now let it go?  Yes. 

Always consider the source.  As Brene Brown says: “If you’re not in the arena and also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

3. Root into compassion and empathy.

After I feel sad, mad and all the things, I turn the mirror back on that person.  I take some time to reflect on how their internal and external life must look and feel for them.  Their inner dialogue and/or the harm inflicted upon them must be pretty intense for them to send it my way.  So, I gently send it to the earth, with compassion and know that this truly isn’t about me.

4. You don’t have to reply.

This is the hardest thing for me.  It is one of my values that people feel seen, heard and loved.  But after receiving hundreds of DM’s of people’s stories, questions, criticisms and just random comments (such as one person telling how me I need to change my name as it’s an awful name), I realized a boundary needed to be set.  In my business I am a one woman show and I can’t be everything to everyone.  People wanted deeper explanations and permission from me to do harmful things.  Some wanted to attack me or rationalize to me or just simply dump their entire life story on my heart.  Emotional labour is real and can take a huge toll.  For me, my health took a hit.  Boundaries are necessary and it’s okay to not reply.

5. Go where the love is.

Yes, I got hundreds of angry replies, but I got thousands of shares and comments and messages of love and support.  As human beings it’s always easier to focus on the hurtful messages.  Instead of obsessing over those, save some of the kind ones, the loving ones, the supportive ones to remind you that you are making an impact.  There is deep love in this world, everywhere.  We just need to align our vision there and keep on keepin’ on.

Criticism and judgement are a normal part of life.   You are loved and you are so much more than enough as you are.  I see you.

A. xo

p.s. Did you know that sometimes the worst critic is actually our own self?  Do you feel like you aren’t doing enough?  Do you find yourself speaking harshly about your body, your abilities, your value?  Do you struggle with feeling alone on this journey and wonder if you will ever fit in?

If so, I have a FREE Medicine Circle offering just for you where I will teach you four ways to heal the feeling that you’re not enough.  Show up LIVE for prizes, healing and love.  Replay will be available only to those who sign up: ashafrost.com/medicine