When learning gets messy.

5 Reasons to Trust your Knowing and Walk Away

On this path of evolution and growth there are so many places to look for guidance.  At times it can be challenging not to fall into the “shiny object” syndrome and keep looking outside of ourselves for the answers.  I know this to be true, because I’ve walked it.  Since I was diagnosed with Lupus, I have wanted to heal my body and spirit.  And I have spent tons of money, taken tons of trainings, workshops, teachings and learnings. 

Let me start by saying that all of it was helpful.  Even the messy stuff.  I am still learning, every single day about what kind of leader I want to be.  I mess up and make mistakes.  I do my best to walk in humility and grace.  And still, I have check ins with my therapist and trusted healers to work through the bumps.

After 25 years of trying to heal my body, mind and spirit, I have come across, the good, the bad and the truly, head shaking wild.  After over 15 years of leading and teaching, I have tried to take these lessons and to do better, now that I know better.

My body is wise, your body is wise.  Our souls always know.  This list of red flags is not complete of course, use your own discernment, trust in your own wisdom and knowing.  These are some things I have personally experienced, moved through and then, walked away from.  

When we walk away, often times we are simply walking closer to ourselves.  I have learned time and time again that the worst person to abandon, is me.  All of these “mistakes” I have made have led to great discernment.

Here is a list of my Top 5 red flags to examine when you are learning from someone:

1. You are shamed or put down.

Someone who you are mentoring under and learning from is there to guide you, provide constructive feedback and hold you in your highest light.  Someone who feels the need to make you feel small is abusing their power.  Call it back.  You are always enough.

2. You try to communicate about an issue to your teacher in a respectful way and you get no response.

Being stonewalled and shut down when you have concerns is not a healthy way to create a relationship of trust.  While it might feel uncomfortable for both parties to speak their truth, there should always be space for this.  Call on a friend, an advocate or a sacred space holder to assist you.  Your voice matters.

3. Your teacher doesn’t seem to have any support systems, mentorship or colleague supervision for themselves.

We are never done learning.  We are students of life.  If we are holding space for others, we need to be doing our own work and held accountable in some way.  Checking in with people to make sure we see our own biases and shortcomings is part of the work. Whenever I hear someone say that they have learned all they need to know, I walk the other way.

4. There doesn’t seem to be any consciousness around diversity and inclusion.  Their audience, “sisterhood” and “tribe” all look the same. 

The sentiment “we are all one” is beautiful in theory, however it’s not the reality of our world steeped in White Supremacy.  If your teacher’s circles are not inviting in BIPOC, they are incomplete. 

5. You are asked to subscribe to a way of being or thinking that does not include your own powerful intuition or guidance. 

You are the oracle.  You are the medicine.  You are the guide of your own life.  If this part of you is not seen, held or upheld in the teachings you are taking in, you are handing away the very thing that is the most powerful.  You.  Deep inside, there is an abundance and wealth of knowledge. 

Your lived experience, your ancestral knowing, the books you’ve read, courses you’ve taken, and so much more.  A balanced facilitator holds space for you to unlock this knowing.  While they might teach you new things, you are always the map to come home to.  Learning with a teacher is always a co-creation.  Because you, my dear soul, are a wealth of medicine. 

A. xo

p.s. If you are looking for a space to grow your medicines, be seen in your fullness and root into your purpose as a co-creator, I invite you to join my membership, Sacred.  It’s a medicine circle filled with hundreds of women rising in their power.

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